Yasmine Tadross

I can never really find home. I am sort of never enough for any space not brown enough not queer or trans enough and not fuckable I have not unpacked my bags since I was 16 years old Since my parents took me to my first round of conversion therapy trying to pray away my sickening disease telling me that disgusting that I deserve to be homeless. What I thought was home, blossoming tree surrounding 1088 sq ft haven, became a source of emotional abuse toxicity like a red rose rotting or bread going moldy. So from then on out I have sort of decided that I should just be on my own; try to be close to people, but never close enough that they would miss me be vulnerable, but never enough to display that I am in pain or display too much to so that people don't associate with me. It has been a hard six years since then, sleepless nights, self-depreciation, spontaneous Dunkin Donut Runs and researching the perfect tiny house community. So right now I am feeling everythi...

Hey, I seem to fall into this place time and time again, I like you a lot. I seem fall people who seem to remotely like me. I think you're cute. so cute that I have masturbated to you multiple times. I like your presence, I like how calm you are. I also like your thin body framework. I like that you're my height. I really want to kiss you. I want to hold you tight. Why do I do this to myself? I take a regular hang out with someone and glorify it. I like you though, however, I know that you are unavailable. I will still have these feelings with you. I just don't think now is the time to say them to you. I want to be friends with you though, I like your company

What I need is to be left alone With a bottle of red wine A large pizza after saving my appetite to savor the cheesy carb goodness A blank notebook, and a pen. I just need time to truly process I want people to be around me, but I am afraid that I will be too attached They will be apart of the process, but I must go alone

My name is Yasmine or Yas I am a black hairy woman human plus lots of different things and yes I can still be confused about myself, I like it that way! It allows me to be open-ended I have depression Suicidal ideations Bipolar disorder Insomnia Anxiety and distorted thoughts (Essentially a red flag for OkCupid!!) I am independent on the outside Strutting my heels on crowded sidewalks not giving a fuck if people stare at me because in the end, I know that the world wants to have erotic sex in public with me but on the inside I want people to put their arms around me and tell me that everything will be ok, even when it seems like it's not I can never be happy with anything and no matter what happens, I will always feel empty I feel like the world hates me most days But I have friends that love me for my past, present and future all at the same time My greatest fear is that all my friends will get sick of me and leave me I feel like people see me and think ...

It seems like the one emotion that I always feel is loss. Regardless, of positive, negative, melancholy, apathy, joy, I feel like everything is incomplete Whether I am denied my humanity black trans women being murdered left and right people without homes being put in jail because we don't like the site of them poor people being denied access to food, water, and shelter everyone is experiencing loss we seem to like to blame the individuals for their lack of humanity "there are homeless shelters everywhere, you should not be on the street" like as if these places are fully funded and except all people, they are only meant to keep people overnight. "Maybe you are called a faggot is because the way that you are dressed, you are just asking for it" Well if people stopped putting their insecurities on girls like me, we wouldn't be in this fucking mess. "Maybe if you got a job, you wouldn't be poor." Well no shit Sherlock, they probabl...

I am so obsessed with Oblivious White boys Just looking at there blue eyes, harry potter circular lenses, jean jackets, tattoo sleeves, and their obsession with fair trade coffee alone gives me an orgasm I wish that I could find one use his white guilt to buy me a tiny house in Amherst, Massachusetts and live at the rest of our days using our shit to create community gardens I try to like all colors of the rainbow, and I do, I really do I have feelings for all people that are in my life but I just have a soft spot for white boys I am just colonized that way It's really tough having feelings for them because all of them don't find me desirable I am not wifey material I am sorry I can't be claimed There just scared because a black hairy trans woman has ambition and can kick their ass from time to time. Living in a world in which we glorify romantic relationships as the pinnacle and friendships as disposable, I constantly feel alone, I create sexual dreams ...

Dear Mom and Dad, I am sorry that I failed you the vision that you have wanted for me has now shattered into a million pieces of broken glass laying on the brown scratched up dinner table. we are trying to glue the pieces back together going to the priest to pray everything away reading the bible to yall like a bedtime story going to church growing out the beard All to make sure that you love me These facets I resonate with, but I can't be something that you miss the son that you have always wanted does not exist I don't know what kind of person you all trying to bring back this family is changing You all are changing my brother is changing I am changing You all have caused me so much pain The constant checking of my texts, emails, and contacts to make sure that I am still with the family trying to tell me which friends are right by god The constant use of food to make us overweight the emotional labor that I do for all of you to feel secure constantly...