To My Insecurities

To my Insecurities,

I just wanted to let you know that I love you. 

That I apologize that most of your life, people have hurt you. 

Being raised in a post 9/11 era, though I didn't immigrate to this country,

my body has been treated as foreign. By both white and brown communities.

I didn't grow up having friends, didn't go to sleepovers, high school parties, or tailgates.

I sat alone and created worlds in which my body was not discarded like an empty plastic cup, but I was queen. 

That I walked into rooms and everyone would turn heads. 

In which if someone was policed, communities came to the rescue. 

You see, I wasn't born in the wrong body, I was born in a world that is scared of what I am capable of.

Now that I have obtained community and western forms of "success",

I am afraid.

I am afraid of losing my loved ones. 

To lose connection. That at some point they will find better people and leave me. 

People don't realize that when you live most of your life as a loner, the second you gain friends,

you realize you are late the game of understanding feelings, connection, and connecting with people.

Parties and gatherings seem like a giant fire alarm, one trigger and you hide in the corner.

To my insecurity,

No one will leave you.

If they do, just let it be. 

Don't feel like you need to work so hard. 

Nurture yourself, breath.

You will remain with me for the rest of my life.

I will love you regardless, you are apart of me