To My 16 year old self

To My 16-Year-Old Self,
You are about to start puberty,
I know because I am going through the third one right now.
(PS you are trans and going to go through three different puberties!)
Our hormones are currently spiraling like a roller coaster ride that never ends
and we both seem to have crushes on 5 people, a few of them we should not be having, but we still have them because fuck it. 
We are both physically, emotionally, and philosophically busy because either it is the workload as well as working, being a loner, or trying to figure out your next steps in life; you are just busy. 
However with me right now, I have friends, which is kind of odd because I am not used to it.
By the time you are 22, your only experience with friends will be for about 3 years or so, but this time you are dealing with parties. 
I will tell you later. 
You are currently living through a conversion therapy now,
the holy trinity is telling you that you deserve to be cured and that you are the reason why the family is broken. 
They will do the same thing to you 6 years later (colonization is a bitch!)

I just wanted to offer some words of advice;
1. You don't have to desire the ones that hurt you.
It's much easier to fall for people who will hurt us than nourish us.  
It is not your fault, you have not been taught the difference between what fills you up and what's toxic.
2. You are enough.
You don't have to overwork yourself in order to feel valid.
You don't have to take on so much pain in order to feel strong 
You don't have to make yourself perfect in order to have friends. 
3. This world was never made for you, it won't get better, it just gets bitter.
We were never met to survive the breathing dragon that is America, however, you deserve everything because you are everything, don't ever deny yourself, love, or affection.
4. White boys aren't everything, they are kind of basic.
5. Don't be scared of your own shadow. Your body is going to go through about several different transformations over your lifetime, and it is ok to be unsettled. We will never fully arrive and that is just fine. 



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