To My 16 year old self

To My 16-Year-Old Self,
You are about to start puberty,
I know because I am going through the third one right now.
(PS you are trans and going to go through three different puberties!)
Our hormones are currently spiraling like a roller coaster ride that never ends
and we both seem to have crushes on 5 people, a few of them we should not be having, but we still have them because fuck it. 
We are both physically, emotionally, and philosophically busy because either it is the workload as well as working, being a loner, or trying to figure out your next steps in life; you are just busy. 
However with me right now, I have friends, which is kind of odd because I am not used to it.
By the time you are 22, your only experience with friends will be for about 3 years or so, but this time you are dealing with parties. 
I will tell you later. 
You are currently living through a conversion therapy now,
the holy trinity is telling you that you deserve to be cured and that you are the reason why the family is broken. 
They will do the same thing to you 6 years later (colonization is a bitch!)

I just wanted to offer some words of advice;
1. You don't have to desire the ones that hurt you.
It's much easier to fall for people who will hurt us than nourish us.  
It is not your fault, you have not been taught the difference between what fills you up and what's toxic.
2. You are enough.
You don't have to overwork yourself in order to feel valid.
You don't have to take on so much pain in order to feel strong 
You don't have to make yourself perfect in order to have friends. 
3. This world was never made for you, it won't get better, it just gets bitter.
We were never met to survive the breathing dragon that is America, however, you deserve everything because you are everything, don't ever deny yourself, love, or affection.
4. White boys aren't everything, they are kind of basic.
5. Don't be scared of your own shadow. Your body is going to go through about several different transformations over your lifetime, and it is ok to be unsettled. We will never fully arrive and that is just fine. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Honest

My name is Yasmine or Yas I am a black hairy woman human plus lots of different things and yes I can still be confused about myself, I like it that way! It allows me to be open-ended I have depression Suicidal ideations Bipolar disorder Insomnia Anxiety and distorted thoughts (Essentially a red flag for OkCupid!!) I am independent on the outside Strutting my heels on crowded sidewalks not giving a fuck if people stare at me because in the end, I know that the world wants to have erotic sex in public with me but on the inside I want people to put their arms around me and tell me that everything will be ok, even when it seems like it's not I can never be happy with anything and no matter what happens, I will always feel empty I feel like the world hates me most days But I have friends that love me for my past, present and future all at the same time My greatest fear is that all my friends will get sick of me and leave me I feel like people see me and think ...
Read more

Femmehood

When I think of Femmehood,  I think of girls like me, who may not have the money to stealth, or the resources to drag it up. But we are limitless.⠀ ⠀ We are the ones that create divine futures for each other out of the scraps and rubble left for us.   The ones that create riots that are bigger than space and time.  A movement to uphold the notion that liberating Black trans womxn is liberation for all of us.  Girls like us understand that femmehood is lineage and kinship, not a body part.  We recognize the majority of the world disposes of us, but we are anointed.  We are our ancestors’ wildest dreams I don't want a world where Black Trans Lives  just matter That our histories and our presence are praised like shrines; in which the offerings are given back to the altar 100 fold.
Read more

My Sweet Melancholy

My Sweet Melancholy,  You are rare. You are the type of girl that can't be replaced.  The one that will always be an inconvenience to the masses. You are cheerful and warm by day, but after every meeting, headline, and black body that dies for existing, you turn somber. You have the ability to be brilliant off of 2% battery life. Sweet Melancholy, You constantly grieve because the boys that you romantically like will never come, because you often desire the ones that will hurt you the most. In this world, we are taught that love will cost you, rather than be free. But right now, when everything is so isolated, womanhood being negotiated, and people are dying faster than leaves falling from a tree in early autumn, people holding you sounds nice. Sweet Melancholy, Everything that you are feeling is real. You are crushing on a black boy while grieving the loss of Ahmoud Arbery. You are angry at the world, yet angry at yourself. You feel like you have been trying to catch up to ev...
Read more