To My Parents

I feel like you all don't actually see me
I live in a stream of double consciousness in which I take charge on one end
but I become obedient when I am with you all
I am full of rage, impatient, and invisible
The latter occurs even when I am fully myself
I understand that emotion is not actually expressed within our dynamic
We swipe everything under the rug and hope that it will cover the baggage and the trauma
When the pile gets to full, we just find a bigger rug to hold everything in
Sorrow is a western thing
Because westerners have extracted our resources

I am raised in a Coptic Christian Egyptian Household,
Where I am told to embrace being male, heterosexual, whitewashed and having my face stuffed with food
Go to church every Sunday and talk to a priest who has hypnotized my parents to thinking that they are the reason I am an Afro- Egyptian Brown Queer Hairy Transgender woman
I don't want to go to church to disappoint you, but because I am traumatized by the dynamic
The walk to the alter is the path to my destruction
the holy body and wine is sour, stale, and chokes me as I step beside them

Dear Mama and Baba,
I thank you for the food that you have put on the table
Providing us with a roof over our head
For reminding us to never settle
But, I just ask for one more thing?
Just let me be

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