Grad school is a Fortress

Imagine going into the Ivory tower
An old beige, concrete and brick building
That once was a pencil factory and now its a place where you go in,
get information shoved down your throat for 18 months, and
leave with the intention you will get a high paying job; whatever that means.
As we spend more time in the ivory tower,
the cracks  start to show, the gatekeepers take their positions, and imposters in all of us start to come out.

I came in drained,
I was isolated for two months in a toxic 1,088 sq ft house.
Did not know if I could survive two weeks, let alone two years.
I was expected to socialize all the time and to be present for everyone's bullshit around trying this new micro brewery here, a place that has $16 shrimp and grits there, or a that new place that charges $10 for a loaf of bread.
Within these brick walls and white faces, it's isolating.
Everyone was talking about mixed-use development and TOD (transit oriented development) as if they will help,
though these developments have been used to displace my hometown.
I am the only trans person and one of few brown faces in the program, they think that being well-intentioned is enough.
Their excuse for not talking about trans people is that "there are only so many weeks in the semester!"
As if we don't deserve space.
As if these concrete walls are not rooted in the gender binary that is tightly shaped by colonization to tell us to keep out!I met amazing people who I think will be around for a while, but it seems like I just want them to hold me for a while to tell me that it is ok, when it's not.
My biggest fear is that they will get sick of me and they will leave.
My interests do not align with other people and I don't know what is going to come out of this.

So, I will continue on this Journey in hopes that through understanding the crackinng tower that something transformative will come and it has.



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