My own Destruction

Welcome to my self-destruction,
Where my brother tells me that he cares,
but uses me for his own gain
he benefits from my own failures
so he can access my parent's love,
when he sees my successes
he discredits them by finding the slightest imperfections
and capitalizing the flaws for his profits

Welcome to my self-destruction,
Where friends neglect me in the name of progress
They care when it suits them, not when urgent
I wear my heart on my sleeve
I bear my brown hairy womanhood to them
but seem to focus on the blue lipstick that I put on
Very few actually look at me, I mean look at me
Not just the blue and purple dresses, brown hair wigs, and lipstick
but the bags under my eyes, the mornings where I can barely get out of bed,
the times which I look in the mirror and not even recognize what I am
or hating myself so much to the point I start to hate others
At least with my brother, he is open about what he does

Dear world,
You have all failed me
and I have failed myself
I have opened trauma to the world and most have commodified it
My spirit is detached from my body
Where a knife is firmly gripped by my five frale fingers, but too stupid to start cutting myself

Welcome to my own self destruction,
Where the cycle of self hate continues
Every fiber of my being slowly shatters
yet through this I hope to be free